By Jay P. Goldman

In recognition of his 14 years at the helm of AASA, Paul Houston exercised his prerogative this year to extend his customary Top 10 list to 14 humorous asides on the life of the superintendency. Houston, retiring in June, uses the AASA national conference to mimic the ways of David Letterman by revealing an annual Top 10 that appears on a T-shirt for sale in the AASA Bookstore.

At the 2nd General Session of the AASA Conference in Tampa, Houston offered 14 answers to the statement, “You might be a school administrator if … “

14. You think your last name is “defendant.”
13. You feel guilty going to a movie, and it’s Saturday.
12. You talk about “my board” but wish they were someone else’s.
11. You have a loud discussion in your car on the way home from work and you’re alone.
10. Your family starts talking about schools, you change the topic to religion or politics.
9. You get calls at home from folks who say they don’t want to bother you at work.
8. The only holiday cards you receive are from school vendors.
7. You disguise yourself to go to the supermarket.
6. Your children tell their friends you’re in jail so they won’t know what you really do.
5. People on the street acknowledge you by raising their middle finger.
4. You think going to your proctologist is the most fun you’ve had all week.
3. Everyone in the town thinks they know how to do your job better than you do.
2. You actually think this list is funny.
1. You love everyone’s children as much as you do your own.